Asalamuhalykum warahmatullah
wabarakaatuhu!
HOW WILL I COPE? - Episode 1
"I'm taking in a second wife"
These words scale through my head since
yesterday he said that to me, I am still like
dreaming!
"Is this what I deserve? After all my
dedication! Ya Rabbi, is this a test from You?
I hope he is joking" I take a deep sigh after
thorough thinking.
"Ya Allah! I don't want this! My husband has
been my treasure ever since I have married
him, I always do everything in my power to
please him. But why is he doing this to me Ya
Allah! Our marriage has been a blissful one,
he is always what I wanted as an Habeeby. I
am always thankful to You for having him but
why does he suddenly want a second wife?
Am I not good enough for him?" I continue
sobbing while I rush inside our bedroom, I
stand by the mirror to take a look at my
image, I take off my niqab to see a clear
image of myself "have I started growing old
already, this is jes 5 years of my marriage, am
even not thirty yet. Jes two kids I have for
him, my face is still the same though I gain
some weight but am still like that time he met
me (turning around my body while staring at
the mirror). Maybe am lacking in bed, maybe
my cooking skill isn't that great, may be...
Subhanallah! I can't jes think of a reason" I
think deeply as a river of tears gather in my
eyes!
I jump on the bed, draw near my pillow,
holding it tight to my chest, I continue to sob.
I cry a lot that my eyes could say they never
sent me, the pillow I held become so wet of
my tears.
"What am i going to do? But this is Sunnah" I
think, "if I accept this I will have my reward,
shall I seek a divorce? Subhanallah! Ya Allah,
I never want to divorce, it is the most
permissible action you hate and I hate it also,
what about my kids" I cry aloud as those
thoughts crawl into my mind.
I never want to become a bad mother, I have
learnt a lot of lessons from my childhood
friends whose their Mums divorced their Dads
to marry another men. Most of them were
sexually harassed by their stepfathers, they
went through a lot anyone can ever imagine -
a problem that can never be shared! "Tufiam,
Olórun májèé! My precious kids will never go
through such hard lives" I continue sobbing as
saliva starts drooling from a side of my
mouth as well as a stream of mucus starts
running from my nose.
"Ya Allah! I don't think I can cope, how will I?"
I shout in a louder voice
"grrrrrhhhhhgrrrrrrrhhhhgrrrrrrhhh,
Asalamuhalykum warahmatullah
wabarakaatuhu", I quickly rub off my tears
with the pillow am holding, that is the sound
of our entrance alarm, who can that be?
Habeebby must have returned - I conclude,
checking my watch "so quick today?" I murmur
to myself. "Habeebby?", I ask while am
reaching for the door handle. "Yes,
habeebaty". A strange smile suddenly appear
on my cheek, despite all my crying since
morning, am still able to smile hearing his
response "Yes, Habeebaty" rewinding that tone
in my memory. Ever since I have got married
to him, I always feel anew whenever he calls
me habeebaty. I still love him as I always do
and I don't think I can ever stop loving him.
Smiling to myself, I refrain my hand from the
door's handle, I adjust my skirt and button up
my shirt leaving the last two top button, "I
want to look attractive" I think, smiling to
myself, I repack my hair and tie it with a
rubber band. Now, I open the door and I fall
into his embrace,
"Asalamuhalykum", he greets with a smile
"Wahlykum salam warahmatullah
wabarakaatuhu" i reply staring into his eyes.
He kisses me on the forehead and I am so
pleased and happy. He handover his bag to
me as he unknot his neck tie "it has been a
tiresome day" he murmurs.
I quickly go to the kitchen to get him a cold
water, we are in the dry season, all sunny day
season. Returning to the sitting room where
he sit tiredly, I offer him the cold water, he
grasps it as if he was expecting it. He glares
at me as I tried to hide my face under my
smile but I can never fake it, he surely knows
that have been crying.
After drinking the whole glass of water, he
takes a deep breathe, closes and opens his
eyes simultaneously, he is thinking of what to
say and I don't feel like I want to hear. I have
been crying since morning and this moment is
the only happiest of today, I don't want it to
get spoilt again...
"Habeebaty, move closer to me" he order and I
obey as he retreats to the floor and I sit in
between his legs.
"Why are you crying all day, habeebaty?"
Hearing that words trigger my tears' container
as they start flowingly like a stream, I feel this
pain in me that can never be explained "I..I
...'ve not been crying habeeeeby" I manage to
say as the container of my tears burst, I start
weeping loudly.
He pause for a moment, searching for words
to say I guess... "Olubukola, it has been five
years that we have been married and I know
you very well, your eyes are swollen and you
still me you weren't crying and now right in
front of me you start another round, is it
because of..." I cut in "don't say it, habeeeeby!
I don't want to remember it, habeeeby! Please,
don't remind me habeeeby..." I continue
weeping as I rest my head on his big chest.
His big chest; that has always been my place
of comfort.
He pats me on the back continuously and I
know he has become so confused. "What will
he say next, I don't even know, I don't even
want to hear it, I don't even want to hear any
more of it for today" I think as I start
dreaming of my future. HOW WILL I COPE?
The next episode by tomorow in shaa Allah!
wabarakaatuhu!
HOW WILL I COPE? - Episode 1
"I'm taking in a second wife"
These words scale through my head since
yesterday he said that to me, I am still like
dreaming!
"Is this what I deserve? After all my
dedication! Ya Rabbi, is this a test from You?
I hope he is joking" I take a deep sigh after
thorough thinking.
"Ya Allah! I don't want this! My husband has
been my treasure ever since I have married
him, I always do everything in my power to
please him. But why is he doing this to me Ya
Allah! Our marriage has been a blissful one,
he is always what I wanted as an Habeeby. I
am always thankful to You for having him but
why does he suddenly want a second wife?
Am I not good enough for him?" I continue
sobbing while I rush inside our bedroom, I
stand by the mirror to take a look at my
image, I take off my niqab to see a clear
image of myself "have I started growing old
already, this is jes 5 years of my marriage, am
even not thirty yet. Jes two kids I have for
him, my face is still the same though I gain
some weight but am still like that time he met
me (turning around my body while staring at
the mirror). Maybe am lacking in bed, maybe
my cooking skill isn't that great, may be...
Subhanallah! I can't jes think of a reason" I
think deeply as a river of tears gather in my
eyes!
I jump on the bed, draw near my pillow,
holding it tight to my chest, I continue to sob.
I cry a lot that my eyes could say they never
sent me, the pillow I held become so wet of
my tears.
"What am i going to do? But this is Sunnah" I
think, "if I accept this I will have my reward,
shall I seek a divorce? Subhanallah! Ya Allah,
I never want to divorce, it is the most
permissible action you hate and I hate it also,
what about my kids" I cry aloud as those
thoughts crawl into my mind.
I never want to become a bad mother, I have
learnt a lot of lessons from my childhood
friends whose their Mums divorced their Dads
to marry another men. Most of them were
sexually harassed by their stepfathers, they
went through a lot anyone can ever imagine -
a problem that can never be shared! "Tufiam,
Olórun májèé! My precious kids will never go
through such hard lives" I continue sobbing as
saliva starts drooling from a side of my
mouth as well as a stream of mucus starts
running from my nose.
"Ya Allah! I don't think I can cope, how will I?"
I shout in a louder voice
"grrrrrhhhhhgrrrrrrrhhhhgrrrrrrhhh,
Asalamuhalykum warahmatullah
wabarakaatuhu", I quickly rub off my tears
with the pillow am holding, that is the sound
of our entrance alarm, who can that be?
Habeebby must have returned - I conclude,
checking my watch "so quick today?" I murmur
to myself. "Habeebby?", I ask while am
reaching for the door handle. "Yes,
habeebaty". A strange smile suddenly appear
on my cheek, despite all my crying since
morning, am still able to smile hearing his
response "Yes, Habeebaty" rewinding that tone
in my memory. Ever since I have got married
to him, I always feel anew whenever he calls
me habeebaty. I still love him as I always do
and I don't think I can ever stop loving him.
Smiling to myself, I refrain my hand from the
door's handle, I adjust my skirt and button up
my shirt leaving the last two top button, "I
want to look attractive" I think, smiling to
myself, I repack my hair and tie it with a
rubber band. Now, I open the door and I fall
into his embrace,
"Asalamuhalykum", he greets with a smile
"Wahlykum salam warahmatullah
wabarakaatuhu" i reply staring into his eyes.
He kisses me on the forehead and I am so
pleased and happy. He handover his bag to
me as he unknot his neck tie "it has been a
tiresome day" he murmurs.
I quickly go to the kitchen to get him a cold
water, we are in the dry season, all sunny day
season. Returning to the sitting room where
he sit tiredly, I offer him the cold water, he
grasps it as if he was expecting it. He glares
at me as I tried to hide my face under my
smile but I can never fake it, he surely knows
that have been crying.
After drinking the whole glass of water, he
takes a deep breathe, closes and opens his
eyes simultaneously, he is thinking of what to
say and I don't feel like I want to hear. I have
been crying since morning and this moment is
the only happiest of today, I don't want it to
get spoilt again...
"Habeebaty, move closer to me" he order and I
obey as he retreats to the floor and I sit in
between his legs.
"Why are you crying all day, habeebaty?"
Hearing that words trigger my tears' container
as they start flowingly like a stream, I feel this
pain in me that can never be explained "I..I
...'ve not been crying habeeeeby" I manage to
say as the container of my tears burst, I start
weeping loudly.
He pause for a moment, searching for words
to say I guess... "Olubukola, it has been five
years that we have been married and I know
you very well, your eyes are swollen and you
still me you weren't crying and now right in
front of me you start another round, is it
because of..." I cut in "don't say it, habeeeeby!
I don't want to remember it, habeeeby! Please,
don't remind me habeeeby..." I continue
weeping as I rest my head on his big chest.
His big chest; that has always been my place
of comfort.
He pats me on the back continuously and I
know he has become so confused. "What will
he say next, I don't even know, I don't even
want to hear it, I don't even want to hear any
more of it for today" I think as I start
dreaming of my future. HOW WILL I COPE?
The next episode by tomorow in shaa Allah!
Comments