HOW WILL I COPE? - Episode 3
I am a woman of the deen, I admit!
I understand this deen very well, Alhamdulillah!
I know polygamy is an accepted and authorized sanction by Allah, I am very well aware!
I also want to be patient and accept this like most of the Sahabiyyats and the pious women out there but am just finding it so difficult.
Maybe because I have a small body so my heart is so small to just accept this!
Maybe because am thinking his love for me has already been depreciating...!
Thinking! Thinking! Thinking!...! All these thinking alone drives me to stupor. How I wish he could take back his words. My love for him has already become an attachment, so how could I withstand sharing him with another woman?..; These words keep popping in my mind as I hold him tight, I can't help the tears rolling from my eyes. I hate him seeing me crying over this, he expects me to understand and I try but I find it difficult. Maybe I may be able to perpend if he gives me a tangible reason why he wants a second wife, "I just pray I am not the cause" I say with increase in the flow of tears
"Habeebby, you are changing the topic" I say as I continue to sob.
I can feel the wetness of my tears on his cloth, my tears could fill the ocean. He stands still for some moments thinking of what to do and what to say - I guess. I perceive the odour of the burning stew, before I talk, he orders me to hand him the napkin while he turns off the gas. I feel like not releasing him from the back hug so I decide not to respond and I hold on him more tightly. I want him to be perplexed, I want him to feel my pain. I know he is so confused that I can feel his heartbeats, then I release him from the hold and carry off the pot of stew with my bare hands onto the kitchen slab. I want him to nag at me again like he always did whenever I carry hot things with bare hands but he doesn't nag and this bothers me even more.
Instead, he holds my shoulders and looks straight into my eyes, "Dear wife, can you please let's put this aside first and let's eat in peace" he pleads
"How can I eat in peace with this heavy load on my mind?" I respond with tears rolling from my eyes, "I jes can't stop thinking of it"
"Sit here, I will serve the food then we are going to discuss" he says while sitting me on the kitchen dining table.
I watch him as he serves the dishes, he is still adorable!
*****
This makes me remember our first night together after Nikkah, I was so shy as a new bride. We have known each other in the school since the first year of our Higher National Diploma program. We went to the same polytechnic and we were in the same institute, Institute of technology. We most times bumped into each other in the library, he would jes lower his gaze and even avoided to say a salam to me. I was always infuriated by this his action that it degraded my self esteem, "at least he should say salam to me or is he too big to greet a small girl like me? After all, there is no Islamic rulings that prohibits that" I always wondered
I was sitting like this then while he was trying to make a simple dinner jes for both of us after we were left alone by our families and relatives. I couldn't withstand the view but he insisted saying he jes volunteered to do that so I shouldn't be burdened. I watched him going up and down jes because he was cooking ordinary instant noodles, what a man!!!
That night, he confessed to me how he had loved me from the very start but waited patiently for this right time to come. I did thought he was jes an arrogant jerk...
*****
Those memories alone are like sweet candies to me, oh my wedding night...! I smile out quietly not knowing when he places all the dishes on the table and has already sits at my front watching me,
"So fast? since when have you been watching me?" I ask feeling embarrassed
"Just now, don't be embarrassed I just saw you smiling" he says jokingly
I smile in response when this thought pop into my head again, he sees my mood changing and he holds my hands
"Olubukola, do you remember these verses? '...then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three...'"
"...and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course." I cut in
"Also this verse" he says, "For the present Allah has made light your burden, and He knows that there is weakness in you; so..."
I cut in again, "...so if there are a hundred patient ones of you they shall overcome two hundred, and if there are a thousand they shall overcome two thousand by Allah's permission, and Allah is with the patient."
"Wow! Maa'sha'Allah! I almost forgot that I am married to an Haalima" he exclaims
"You are the Haalim, I inherit it from you" I seriously respond
Seeing the seriousness in my words, he proceeds
"I know you are verily aware of how much I love and adore you, walahi! You have been part of me which I can't reject. It hurts me when you are hurt, it pains me when you are in pain. If you are doubting my love for you already, I am now assuring you that your love is still there, very intact in my heart. I know it is hard for you but can you please accept this fact and take it as helping a sister in need, take it as a sadaqa and you will earn the best of rewards habeebaty! Polygamy is not an easy task, it won't be easy for me too but please open your heart and accept this from me. As in those verses, you know very well the best of their meanings, be patient please and I will never stop living you no matter what! Note that..." He says while I cut in, tears rolling on my cheek,
"Habeeby, I tried and am still trying but I jes find it difficult to understand the reason you are marrying a second wife" I sob
"My heart is aching cos of these your tears, please stop crying" he urges, wiping my face with his hands "I want you to know you are the best woman to me and for me, you are whom all men would wish to have as a wife; beautiful, religious, smart, brilliant, educative, productive and even a very good Cook. I promise I will always try my best not to never let go of these hands, I will make sure I do justice between both of you when she enters this house, I will make sure I never forsake any of my responsibilities as your husband and as the father of our children In shaa Allah! I promise habeebaty, please have faith in me because I have faith in Allah"
I can't jes help but keep crying as those words sink into my head. I think I am overdoing it, this shouldn't be the reaction of a woman of faith over polygamy. It is Allah's decree, I shouldn't be like this but still am not satisfied with those words. Part of me want more answers and excuses
"Habeeby, are you sure of what you are saying? Are you sure you aren't doing this cos of my laxity? Are you sure you are going to keep your promises? Remember Rasuulullah s.a.w said a man who doesn't do justice among his wives will be raised leaning on one side on the dooms day! And what do you mean by ' helping a sister in need '?" I ask with concern written all over my face
"These your questions..., lemme answer you one by one; yes, yes, yes in shaa Allah, I remember the hadith very well and about the Sister, I will tell you later. Let's eat up, the food is cold already" he says as he uncovers the foods
#deepinthoughtagain#
Part of me feels lightened and some parts of me are still weighed, I wonder what type of a Sister she is! I lived with different sisters during my school days, I encountered a lot; some jes look religious outwardly but inwardly they are like scorpions and green snakes. We can't blame them on Islam as the non Muslims do but we should blame them on their society and their rotten personalities. Islam tries its best to make them good Muslims and good people but they insist to dance more to the satanic tune of this so called MODERN SOCIETY! I always agree with people especially men that say women are complicated to understand. Even we women sometimes find it difficult to understand each other...
"Habeebaty, you are not eating, it is getting cold already" he says giving me a suspicious stares
He knows I am thinking again, "Bismillah" I say before eating
"Bismillah fi'awaalihi wa'akhiri" he says with a spoonful of food in his mouth.
"So, you forgot to say that before you start eating" I manage to laugh
"This is almost 11pm already, I didn't eat lunch except I drank a viju milk in a friend's office. Hunger together with all these talk and stress, I was very famished..." he says
"OK sir, am very sorry! may Allah forgives us" I cut in
We both chorus the 'Ameen', though I have lost my appetite but I still have to eat because I also didn't eat anything except the breakfast, what a horrible girl I am!
We both finish our foods and I pack the plates into the washing base uttering the after meal adhkar,
"I am tired and it is already late, I will do the washing tomorrow. Thanks to Allah, it is Sunday" I murmur, I turn back and see habeeby behind me.
"Will you hit me if I give you a kiss?" He asks jokingly
That is one of the way we do reconcile, "right now, I think I need more than a kiss" I reply with the best of my smiles
He lifts and carries me while I pull his head towards myself to start a kiss; bashfulness/shyness should be a Muslim woman's quality but Islam also teaches us not to be shy whenever we are with our husbands because we both get rewards if we are able to please and satisfy each other. Now, we head to our bedroom and the light GOES OFF!
I am a woman of the deen, I admit!
I understand this deen very well, Alhamdulillah!
I know polygamy is an accepted and authorized sanction by Allah, I am very well aware!
I also want to be patient and accept this like most of the Sahabiyyats and the pious women out there but am just finding it so difficult.
Maybe because I have a small body so my heart is so small to just accept this!
Maybe because am thinking his love for me has already been depreciating...!
Thinking! Thinking! Thinking!...! All these thinking alone drives me to stupor. How I wish he could take back his words. My love for him has already become an attachment, so how could I withstand sharing him with another woman?..; These words keep popping in my mind as I hold him tight, I can't help the tears rolling from my eyes. I hate him seeing me crying over this, he expects me to understand and I try but I find it difficult. Maybe I may be able to perpend if he gives me a tangible reason why he wants a second wife, "I just pray I am not the cause" I say with increase in the flow of tears
"Habeebby, you are changing the topic" I say as I continue to sob.
I can feel the wetness of my tears on his cloth, my tears could fill the ocean. He stands still for some moments thinking of what to do and what to say - I guess. I perceive the odour of the burning stew, before I talk, he orders me to hand him the napkin while he turns off the gas. I feel like not releasing him from the back hug so I decide not to respond and I hold on him more tightly. I want him to be perplexed, I want him to feel my pain. I know he is so confused that I can feel his heartbeats, then I release him from the hold and carry off the pot of stew with my bare hands onto the kitchen slab. I want him to nag at me again like he always did whenever I carry hot things with bare hands but he doesn't nag and this bothers me even more.
Instead, he holds my shoulders and looks straight into my eyes, "Dear wife, can you please let's put this aside first and let's eat in peace" he pleads
"How can I eat in peace with this heavy load on my mind?" I respond with tears rolling from my eyes, "I jes can't stop thinking of it"
"Sit here, I will serve the food then we are going to discuss" he says while sitting me on the kitchen dining table.
I watch him as he serves the dishes, he is still adorable!
*****
This makes me remember our first night together after Nikkah, I was so shy as a new bride. We have known each other in the school since the first year of our Higher National Diploma program. We went to the same polytechnic and we were in the same institute, Institute of technology. We most times bumped into each other in the library, he would jes lower his gaze and even avoided to say a salam to me. I was always infuriated by this his action that it degraded my self esteem, "at least he should say salam to me or is he too big to greet a small girl like me? After all, there is no Islamic rulings that prohibits that" I always wondered
I was sitting like this then while he was trying to make a simple dinner jes for both of us after we were left alone by our families and relatives. I couldn't withstand the view but he insisted saying he jes volunteered to do that so I shouldn't be burdened. I watched him going up and down jes because he was cooking ordinary instant noodles, what a man!!!
That night, he confessed to me how he had loved me from the very start but waited patiently for this right time to come. I did thought he was jes an arrogant jerk...
*****
Those memories alone are like sweet candies to me, oh my wedding night...! I smile out quietly not knowing when he places all the dishes on the table and has already sits at my front watching me,
"So fast? since when have you been watching me?" I ask feeling embarrassed
"Just now, don't be embarrassed I just saw you smiling" he says jokingly
I smile in response when this thought pop into my head again, he sees my mood changing and he holds my hands
"Olubukola, do you remember these verses? '...then marry such women as seem good to you, two and three...'"
"...and four; but if you fear that you will not do justice (between them), then (marry) only one or what your right hands possess; this is more proper, that you may not deviate from the right course." I cut in
"Also this verse" he says, "For the present Allah has made light your burden, and He knows that there is weakness in you; so..."
I cut in again, "...so if there are a hundred patient ones of you they shall overcome two hundred, and if there are a thousand they shall overcome two thousand by Allah's permission, and Allah is with the patient."
"Wow! Maa'sha'Allah! I almost forgot that I am married to an Haalima" he exclaims
"You are the Haalim, I inherit it from you" I seriously respond
Seeing the seriousness in my words, he proceeds
"I know you are verily aware of how much I love and adore you, walahi! You have been part of me which I can't reject. It hurts me when you are hurt, it pains me when you are in pain. If you are doubting my love for you already, I am now assuring you that your love is still there, very intact in my heart. I know it is hard for you but can you please accept this fact and take it as helping a sister in need, take it as a sadaqa and you will earn the best of rewards habeebaty! Polygamy is not an easy task, it won't be easy for me too but please open your heart and accept this from me. As in those verses, you know very well the best of their meanings, be patient please and I will never stop living you no matter what! Note that..." He says while I cut in, tears rolling on my cheek,
"Habeeby, I tried and am still trying but I jes find it difficult to understand the reason you are marrying a second wife" I sob
"My heart is aching cos of these your tears, please stop crying" he urges, wiping my face with his hands "I want you to know you are the best woman to me and for me, you are whom all men would wish to have as a wife; beautiful, religious, smart, brilliant, educative, productive and even a very good Cook. I promise I will always try my best not to never let go of these hands, I will make sure I do justice between both of you when she enters this house, I will make sure I never forsake any of my responsibilities as your husband and as the father of our children In shaa Allah! I promise habeebaty, please have faith in me because I have faith in Allah"
I can't jes help but keep crying as those words sink into my head. I think I am overdoing it, this shouldn't be the reaction of a woman of faith over polygamy. It is Allah's decree, I shouldn't be like this but still am not satisfied with those words. Part of me want more answers and excuses
"Habeeby, are you sure of what you are saying? Are you sure you aren't doing this cos of my laxity? Are you sure you are going to keep your promises? Remember Rasuulullah s.a.w said a man who doesn't do justice among his wives will be raised leaning on one side on the dooms day! And what do you mean by ' helping a sister in need '?" I ask with concern written all over my face
"These your questions..., lemme answer you one by one; yes, yes, yes in shaa Allah, I remember the hadith very well and about the Sister, I will tell you later. Let's eat up, the food is cold already" he says as he uncovers the foods
#deepinthoughtagain#
Part of me feels lightened and some parts of me are still weighed, I wonder what type of a Sister she is! I lived with different sisters during my school days, I encountered a lot; some jes look religious outwardly but inwardly they are like scorpions and green snakes. We can't blame them on Islam as the non Muslims do but we should blame them on their society and their rotten personalities. Islam tries its best to make them good Muslims and good people but they insist to dance more to the satanic tune of this so called MODERN SOCIETY! I always agree with people especially men that say women are complicated to understand. Even we women sometimes find it difficult to understand each other...
"Habeebaty, you are not eating, it is getting cold already" he says giving me a suspicious stares
He knows I am thinking again, "Bismillah" I say before eating
"Bismillah fi'awaalihi wa'akhiri" he says with a spoonful of food in his mouth.
"So, you forgot to say that before you start eating" I manage to laugh
"This is almost 11pm already, I didn't eat lunch except I drank a viju milk in a friend's office. Hunger together with all these talk and stress, I was very famished..." he says
"OK sir, am very sorry! may Allah forgives us" I cut in
We both chorus the 'Ameen', though I have lost my appetite but I still have to eat because I also didn't eat anything except the breakfast, what a horrible girl I am!
We both finish our foods and I pack the plates into the washing base uttering the after meal adhkar,
"I am tired and it is already late, I will do the washing tomorrow. Thanks to Allah, it is Sunday" I murmur, I turn back and see habeeby behind me.
"Will you hit me if I give you a kiss?" He asks jokingly
That is one of the way we do reconcile, "right now, I think I need more than a kiss" I reply with the best of my smiles
He lifts and carries me while I pull his head towards myself to start a kiss; bashfulness/shyness should be a Muslim woman's quality but Islam also teaches us not to be shy whenever we are with our husbands because we both get rewards if we are able to please and satisfy each other. Now, we head to our bedroom and the light GOES OFF!
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