HOW WILL I COPE? - Episode 8
I am always thankful to Allah for giving me my wife, her soft heart and understanding of the Deen always make my marriage secure! No matter how much our argument and misunderstanding are, we always give it all up when we get in bed, Maa'sha'Allah! Ever since I married her, she has never rejected me in bed for once, Alhamdulillah! That is why she is always the best for and to me and I always try to be the best of men by being the best to her.
Preparing for my mathna's nikkah, I get a lot to do. I have informed my parents, siblings and some of my relatives. I thought my Ummu will be against it as she isn't a fan of polygamy but she accepted with ease maybe because I am the only son of hers. My Abu was also proud of me when I told him and he commended me for being a brave man, funny Abby!
My Sisters were completely against it because they like Olubukola very much, they said it is too early and it took me a lot of talks to convince them. Though, I don't need their approvals but I just want everything to go in peaceful way, I need their cooperation. I'm still expecting my mother in-law's call and her yelling, though I hope Abu would sort things out with her for me.
Today at the Masjid after fajr, I informed Abu Summayah of the progress and he was happy I'm taking the brave decision at last. He promised to attend and give me a brotherly support.
I have two friends who are like brothers to me, Abdullah and Isiaq. They are also my business partners, we work and found our company together. I'm planning to inform them today after we return from the field. They may be against it and try to talk me out of it because they are victims of unstable home and they are always envious of mine but I still have to tell them because they are my only friends.
Returning from the field, we are very tired. We branch at a restaurant to get chilled drinks. Relaxing and enjoying our drinks, I think this is the best time to tell them,
Clearing my throat, "Abdullah and Isiaq, am doing my second nikkah next week Saturday in'shaa'Allah" I declare
They stare at me with surprise, "Am I hearing it right? You mean you are taking in mathna?" Says Abdullah
"Repeat it, I want to hear" says Isiaq
I smile and drop my drink on the table before us, "Yes, Mathna!"
"Chai...! You can't be serious Abdulrahman, how old is your marriage and you are already thinking of mathna?" Asks Isiaq
I relax my back on the chair's back-hold, fold my arms and watch them both with amusement, I wonder what kind of lecture they want to give me.
"Don't mind him jare, he wants to join our club ni" says Abdullah
"O ga ooo" says Isiaq as he take a sip of the drink
I'm now curious, "what club are you referring to? Don't tell me you guys are becoming worst"
"See you, Alfa Sunnah!" Isiaq make a jest and they both laugh
"I beg, tell me joo", I point at Abdullah, "I know you already had your own mathna and don't tell me Isiaq had his without my knowledge, aaba..."
Isiaq cuts in, "Mathna or what? Na then I go say my last prayer"
We all laugh
"See, Abdulrahman! The reason why you haven't known about our club is because you have an happy home and I am always happy for you, in fact! I envy you and you know, you go home early because you are eager to return to your wife and kids. Walahi, you are blessed but don't worry, you will soon join our club now and we will all stay in the office together till late night. Maybe we can both join Isiaq in chicks hunting" says Abdullah as he bursts into another laughter
"Na babes hunting, not chicks hunting! And I will be glad to teach you both for free" Isiaq jokes and he also bursts into laughter.
Now, I am getting confused and I don't understand much. It's been long I sat with them to discuss about our family.
"Update me na, what is happening?" I ask with curiosity
"What name can I give to our club, Abdullah?" Says Isiaq as he taps his forehead with his index finger, "hnnnn..! Let's call it coward Abus' club", we all laugh
"Yes, coward Abus! You got it right, because if we aren't coward, we won't be afraid of going home early like Abdulrahman does" says Abu Aisha
"See Abdulrahman, it's been long you sat with us to discuss about families but we gonna gist you today. Let's start with Abdullah" Isiaq says
Abdullah clears his throat, "am now having two tigers at home and you know what that mean, am the third tiger and three tigers can't live in a den, that is why I stay late at work and just go home to sleep at night. Wake up early in the morning, drop their money in their rooms and run off quickly to office. I don't even bother to eat at home anymore because that alone causes war almost everytime. I.."
I cut in, "what do you mean by tigers? Are your wives still giving you hard times?"
"If they aren't giving me hard times, I won't be staying out late. I thought bringing in that girl would sort things out and soften my wife but it is becoming worst everyday. Had I know, I would listen to you that day but her beauty was charming and irresistible..." I cut in
"Beauty irresistible? your 'ojukokoro' leads you to that" I comment
"I agree" says Abdullah, he turns to Isiaq, "Now your turn"
"Mine is just not treating me right as you all know. Whenever we have a misunderstanding, she still abuses and curses me like parrot and also denies me my right in bed, sometimes for months and you know se body no be firewood, that is why I still dey hunt for those sexy chicks" he explains
"Why can't you bring in mathna then, instead of committing adultery?" I ask with concern
"Ma.. What? Mathna? mine will be worst than that of Abdullah. The last thing I can do is to divorce her but what of my children? That is why I'm enduring and she even told me I can be playing around with those girls but I should never think of bringing them in!" He exclaims
We all make a deep sigh and become silent. Abdullah clears his throat and break the silence,
"It is really good and best to seek for zaoja base on religion competence, I thought those sisters of Deen are just fanatic and would be dull in marriage. That was why I seeked for 'swagalicious' Hajia then but by observing your happy marriage, I realized my hypothesis were wrong. Anyway, that is old story! Polygamy can work for you as you are upright in the Deen than me. I know where my failure lies and most of it are my fault, I'm now seeking for Allah's forgiveness and I'm even thinking of taking in thulaatha and then arba, maybe I will earn my peace then" he burst into laughter
Subhanallah! I can feel his pain as he laughs but he is hiding it and pretending to be strong.
"Poor you, may Allah guide us" I pray and we all chorus 'Ameen'
I turn to Isiaq, "Isiaq, it is better you stop this your hunting things, You never know when you will die, stop falling into sin upon sins and take the necessary step" I advice
"Ok sir, after you do yours and see that you are successful, I will do mine too but take the lead first and I will follow because Abdullah's own isn't encouraging at all" Isiaq says and smiles
"What if you die before you see my success?" I ask
"I beg stop preaching to me, I don hear you" he replies, "gist us about your mathna na, who is she?
I smile and reply, "you all know her, Zaynab"
"Zaynab! Which Zaynab?" Asks Isiaq
"Is it not that Ummu's daughter, the Ummu that comes to sell us stuffs" Abdulrahman guess
"That girl who recently lost her husband!" Exclaims Isiaq
I nod my head in response as they both stare at me with surprise,
"Woooo! She is a niqabite na. You surprise me, why her?" Asks Isiaq
"Don't mind him jare, I like your courage. Give me your five" Abdullah extends his hand to me for a shake but I refuse it since he is making a jest of me, "take na, you think I'm making a jest of you? Walahi I once wanted to go for her but I think it is too early for me to take in thulaatha"
"Really?" I ask and he nods in response then I accept his shake
"See old fashion Abus when there are many young girls out there..." says Isiaq and I cut in,
"You still think marriage is all about lustful pleasure? See this dude, Abdullah! He never learnt his lessons" I comment
"You better repent before it is too late" Abdullah advice
"Thank you, the senior advicers" says Isiaq as he check his wrist watch, "time is going and I have an appointment before Ashr.
We finish up our drinks and get up, I go to the cashier to settle the bill and we drive back to the office, I quickly round up my work for the day and file the documents for the week's project.
I head home, tomorrow is another Sunday and Ummu Yaseer has not been well since we returned from Gbongan. She insisted not to visit the hospital because she feared she would be hospitalized, it took a lot of persuasion from me this morning before she agreed to finally go.
Now getting home, I fall into her embrace as usual. I ask of the kids and she tells me they are still with their Udhtaz at the balcony, I check on them without letting Ramsiyah notice and they are amazingly doing well, "I am indeed blessed to have them, Alhamdulillah". I return into the the house and see Habeebaty undoing her hairs, I sit on the sofa and ask her to sit on the floor so as to help her with it though I am tired but she is sick, I can't just watch her doing things.
"You don't have to do this habeeby, I will soon be through with it" she says while sitting on the floor
"I have to! If you are thinking of my all day tiresome work, I have tomorrow to rest, only the gym I will skip" I reply, "Did you later go to the hospital? Because I didn't see your call"
"I...I didn't go" she slowly responds,
I pause, "why? You just like playing with your health..."
She cuts in, "Not that, I'm guessing on something so I want to confirm it first before going there, I promise I will go on Monday"
"What is it you are guessing that is very important than your health habeebaty?" I ask, very concern
"Maybe I am pre...preg..nant" she slowly respond.
"Pregnant ke? But you just finish your menstruation last week and I have been practicing 'coitus interruptus' since your family planning injection expired, you said you want Ramsiyah to be almost 3years before we plan for another baby and that will start from next 3 months" I expound
"We planned and Allah planned and verily Allah is the best planner, it may be so. Remember the response of the Prophet s.a.w when he was reported to about coitus interruptus, he said 'If Allaah wished to create a child, you would not be able to prevent it' and verily it is another blessing" she explains
"Alhamdulillah! If it is, it will really be another blessing for us as you said but I'm not happy about you not going to the hospital" I complain
"Am sorry, habeeby! I was even on my way already before I changed my mind, so I branched at a chemist shop and bought the pregnancy test tube. I will do the test tomorrow morning and I promise that no matter what the result is I will go to the hospital on Monday" she says
I continue undoing her hairs when the thought of my nikkah preparation pop into my head, I want to gist her of the update but I'm thinking it isn't proper or she may be hurt if I tell her. She may think I'm excited or something. It is better I keep my mouth shut and don't start what I can't end...
"Habeeby, your aqidu remains 7days today. How are you preparing?" She asks
The question suddenly meets me, it is as if she is reading my mind. What to say?
"Yes dear, there isn't a lot to prepare for. It is just a small event" I respond
"Your Ummu called me yesterday likewise all your Sisters too and I told them I'm ok with it, they were like comforting me and Ummu promised to come here during next week. Also, I asked Sister Halimoh to come and pick us up on the nikkah day, I and the kids will go with her" She says with traces of pain in her voice.
I don't know what to tell her in response but I have to say something, "Ok dear"
I sense tears are rolling from her eyes and she is wiping it with her hand, she doesn't want me to notice and I also pretend like I don't. So, I try to change the topic,
"How is Ramsiyah now coping in the school? I have been busy and I haven't been able to ask about her since she started school this session" I ask
"She is doing well, in fact! She even seems more brighter than Yaseer, she jes spent two weeks at school and she is now writing letter C and figure 2. I am registering her for Qur'an memorization at their school next term in'shaa'Allah! Remember Yaseer started his the second year." She expounds as she wipes her face
"Maa'sha'Allah! That is my girl" I comment, I'm really always happy and grateful to Allah whenever I see my kids doing well. I was not that bright as a kid, I know they inherited that from their Mum. Her Abu sometimes narrated to me how bright she was when she was a kid and I have always been praying to Allah to make my kids more brighter than I am, Alhamdulillah...
"Habeeby, you said you will tell me about the Sister, I mean your mathna" she says.
Here she goes again, she is right, I promised her,
"Hnnn...! She is also a Sister of the Deen, she was once married and lost her husband just a year and some months after their marriage and she had a daughter who is now almost Ramsiyah's age. Her name is Zaynab and her daughter's name is Raheemat, she is Ummu Raheemat" I explain
She stays silent and doesn't respond, may be I have hurt her again. I should just play along then. I am almost done with her hairs, I ask for her comb which she hands to me. Now I'm done with the hairs and I start combing, on the normal circumstances she would collect the comb and comb it herself but she doesn't and just prefer to stay mute. After combing her hairs, I ask for her bond and she gives me too, I bond her hairs as I can,
"Now, it is done" I say.
She then turns around and face me, her face is wet with tears!!!
"Subhanallah! What is it again habeebaty?" I ask
"It is nothing, I jes feel like crying" she reply
"There is nothing like feeling like crying, you have to tell me what the matter really is?" I ask, though I know and understand why the tears are there. It is because of this mathna things, when will she get over it? I don't even know
"It is really nothing, I'm jes thankful to Allah that I have you and I pray to Allah not to ever let our marriage become the otherwise. I know you are really doing it for Allah's sake and I'm trying not to be concerned about it, but habeeby I'm..." I suddenly bend down and start kissing her, I hold her head to prevent her from resisting because I'm feeling more pain of hers than her talks so I have to stop it, else she will be hurting more. I will make sure I keep comforting her and make her leave her pain behind till she gets over it, so help me Allah!
I am always thankful to Allah for giving me my wife, her soft heart and understanding of the Deen always make my marriage secure! No matter how much our argument and misunderstanding are, we always give it all up when we get in bed, Maa'sha'Allah! Ever since I married her, she has never rejected me in bed for once, Alhamdulillah! That is why she is always the best for and to me and I always try to be the best of men by being the best to her.
Preparing for my mathna's nikkah, I get a lot to do. I have informed my parents, siblings and some of my relatives. I thought my Ummu will be against it as she isn't a fan of polygamy but she accepted with ease maybe because I am the only son of hers. My Abu was also proud of me when I told him and he commended me for being a brave man, funny Abby!
My Sisters were completely against it because they like Olubukola very much, they said it is too early and it took me a lot of talks to convince them. Though, I don't need their approvals but I just want everything to go in peaceful way, I need their cooperation. I'm still expecting my mother in-law's call and her yelling, though I hope Abu would sort things out with her for me.
Today at the Masjid after fajr, I informed Abu Summayah of the progress and he was happy I'm taking the brave decision at last. He promised to attend and give me a brotherly support.
I have two friends who are like brothers to me, Abdullah and Isiaq. They are also my business partners, we work and found our company together. I'm planning to inform them today after we return from the field. They may be against it and try to talk me out of it because they are victims of unstable home and they are always envious of mine but I still have to tell them because they are my only friends.
Returning from the field, we are very tired. We branch at a restaurant to get chilled drinks. Relaxing and enjoying our drinks, I think this is the best time to tell them,
Clearing my throat, "Abdullah and Isiaq, am doing my second nikkah next week Saturday in'shaa'Allah" I declare
They stare at me with surprise, "Am I hearing it right? You mean you are taking in mathna?" Says Abdullah
"Repeat it, I want to hear" says Isiaq
I smile and drop my drink on the table before us, "Yes, Mathna!"
"Chai...! You can't be serious Abdulrahman, how old is your marriage and you are already thinking of mathna?" Asks Isiaq
I relax my back on the chair's back-hold, fold my arms and watch them both with amusement, I wonder what kind of lecture they want to give me.
"Don't mind him jare, he wants to join our club ni" says Abdullah
"O ga ooo" says Isiaq as he take a sip of the drink
I'm now curious, "what club are you referring to? Don't tell me you guys are becoming worst"
"See you, Alfa Sunnah!" Isiaq make a jest and they both laugh
"I beg, tell me joo", I point at Abdullah, "I know you already had your own mathna and don't tell me Isiaq had his without my knowledge, aaba..."
Isiaq cuts in, "Mathna or what? Na then I go say my last prayer"
We all laugh
"See, Abdulrahman! The reason why you haven't known about our club is because you have an happy home and I am always happy for you, in fact! I envy you and you know, you go home early because you are eager to return to your wife and kids. Walahi, you are blessed but don't worry, you will soon join our club now and we will all stay in the office together till late night. Maybe we can both join Isiaq in chicks hunting" says Abdullah as he bursts into another laughter
"Na babes hunting, not chicks hunting! And I will be glad to teach you both for free" Isiaq jokes and he also bursts into laughter.
Now, I am getting confused and I don't understand much. It's been long I sat with them to discuss about our family.
"Update me na, what is happening?" I ask with curiosity
"What name can I give to our club, Abdullah?" Says Isiaq as he taps his forehead with his index finger, "hnnnn..! Let's call it coward Abus' club", we all laugh
"Yes, coward Abus! You got it right, because if we aren't coward, we won't be afraid of going home early like Abdulrahman does" says Abu Aisha
"See Abdulrahman, it's been long you sat with us to discuss about families but we gonna gist you today. Let's start with Abdullah" Isiaq says
Abdullah clears his throat, "am now having two tigers at home and you know what that mean, am the third tiger and three tigers can't live in a den, that is why I stay late at work and just go home to sleep at night. Wake up early in the morning, drop their money in their rooms and run off quickly to office. I don't even bother to eat at home anymore because that alone causes war almost everytime. I.."
I cut in, "what do you mean by tigers? Are your wives still giving you hard times?"
"If they aren't giving me hard times, I won't be staying out late. I thought bringing in that girl would sort things out and soften my wife but it is becoming worst everyday. Had I know, I would listen to you that day but her beauty was charming and irresistible..." I cut in
"Beauty irresistible? your 'ojukokoro' leads you to that" I comment
"I agree" says Abdullah, he turns to Isiaq, "Now your turn"
"Mine is just not treating me right as you all know. Whenever we have a misunderstanding, she still abuses and curses me like parrot and also denies me my right in bed, sometimes for months and you know se body no be firewood, that is why I still dey hunt for those sexy chicks" he explains
"Why can't you bring in mathna then, instead of committing adultery?" I ask with concern
"Ma.. What? Mathna? mine will be worst than that of Abdullah. The last thing I can do is to divorce her but what of my children? That is why I'm enduring and she even told me I can be playing around with those girls but I should never think of bringing them in!" He exclaims
We all make a deep sigh and become silent. Abdullah clears his throat and break the silence,
"It is really good and best to seek for zaoja base on religion competence, I thought those sisters of Deen are just fanatic and would be dull in marriage. That was why I seeked for 'swagalicious' Hajia then but by observing your happy marriage, I realized my hypothesis were wrong. Anyway, that is old story! Polygamy can work for you as you are upright in the Deen than me. I know where my failure lies and most of it are my fault, I'm now seeking for Allah's forgiveness and I'm even thinking of taking in thulaatha and then arba, maybe I will earn my peace then" he burst into laughter
Subhanallah! I can feel his pain as he laughs but he is hiding it and pretending to be strong.
"Poor you, may Allah guide us" I pray and we all chorus 'Ameen'
I turn to Isiaq, "Isiaq, it is better you stop this your hunting things, You never know when you will die, stop falling into sin upon sins and take the necessary step" I advice
"Ok sir, after you do yours and see that you are successful, I will do mine too but take the lead first and I will follow because Abdullah's own isn't encouraging at all" Isiaq says and smiles
"What if you die before you see my success?" I ask
"I beg stop preaching to me, I don hear you" he replies, "gist us about your mathna na, who is she?
I smile and reply, "you all know her, Zaynab"
"Zaynab! Which Zaynab?" Asks Isiaq
"Is it not that Ummu's daughter, the Ummu that comes to sell us stuffs" Abdulrahman guess
"That girl who recently lost her husband!" Exclaims Isiaq
I nod my head in response as they both stare at me with surprise,
"Woooo! She is a niqabite na. You surprise me, why her?" Asks Isiaq
"Don't mind him jare, I like your courage. Give me your five" Abdullah extends his hand to me for a shake but I refuse it since he is making a jest of me, "take na, you think I'm making a jest of you? Walahi I once wanted to go for her but I think it is too early for me to take in thulaatha"
"Really?" I ask and he nods in response then I accept his shake
"See old fashion Abus when there are many young girls out there..." says Isiaq and I cut in,
"You still think marriage is all about lustful pleasure? See this dude, Abdullah! He never learnt his lessons" I comment
"You better repent before it is too late" Abdullah advice
"Thank you, the senior advicers" says Isiaq as he check his wrist watch, "time is going and I have an appointment before Ashr.
We finish up our drinks and get up, I go to the cashier to settle the bill and we drive back to the office, I quickly round up my work for the day and file the documents for the week's project.
I head home, tomorrow is another Sunday and Ummu Yaseer has not been well since we returned from Gbongan. She insisted not to visit the hospital because she feared she would be hospitalized, it took a lot of persuasion from me this morning before she agreed to finally go.
Now getting home, I fall into her embrace as usual. I ask of the kids and she tells me they are still with their Udhtaz at the balcony, I check on them without letting Ramsiyah notice and they are amazingly doing well, "I am indeed blessed to have them, Alhamdulillah". I return into the the house and see Habeebaty undoing her hairs, I sit on the sofa and ask her to sit on the floor so as to help her with it though I am tired but she is sick, I can't just watch her doing things.
"You don't have to do this habeeby, I will soon be through with it" she says while sitting on the floor
"I have to! If you are thinking of my all day tiresome work, I have tomorrow to rest, only the gym I will skip" I reply, "Did you later go to the hospital? Because I didn't see your call"
"I...I didn't go" she slowly responds,
I pause, "why? You just like playing with your health..."
She cuts in, "Not that, I'm guessing on something so I want to confirm it first before going there, I promise I will go on Monday"
"What is it you are guessing that is very important than your health habeebaty?" I ask, very concern
"Maybe I am pre...preg..nant" she slowly respond.
"Pregnant ke? But you just finish your menstruation last week and I have been practicing 'coitus interruptus' since your family planning injection expired, you said you want Ramsiyah to be almost 3years before we plan for another baby and that will start from next 3 months" I expound
"We planned and Allah planned and verily Allah is the best planner, it may be so. Remember the response of the Prophet s.a.w when he was reported to about coitus interruptus, he said 'If Allaah wished to create a child, you would not be able to prevent it' and verily it is another blessing" she explains
"Alhamdulillah! If it is, it will really be another blessing for us as you said but I'm not happy about you not going to the hospital" I complain
"Am sorry, habeeby! I was even on my way already before I changed my mind, so I branched at a chemist shop and bought the pregnancy test tube. I will do the test tomorrow morning and I promise that no matter what the result is I will go to the hospital on Monday" she says
I continue undoing her hairs when the thought of my nikkah preparation pop into my head, I want to gist her of the update but I'm thinking it isn't proper or she may be hurt if I tell her. She may think I'm excited or something. It is better I keep my mouth shut and don't start what I can't end...
"Habeeby, your aqidu remains 7days today. How are you preparing?" She asks
The question suddenly meets me, it is as if she is reading my mind. What to say?
"Yes dear, there isn't a lot to prepare for. It is just a small event" I respond
"Your Ummu called me yesterday likewise all your Sisters too and I told them I'm ok with it, they were like comforting me and Ummu promised to come here during next week. Also, I asked Sister Halimoh to come and pick us up on the nikkah day, I and the kids will go with her" She says with traces of pain in her voice.
I don't know what to tell her in response but I have to say something, "Ok dear"
I sense tears are rolling from her eyes and she is wiping it with her hand, she doesn't want me to notice and I also pretend like I don't. So, I try to change the topic,
"How is Ramsiyah now coping in the school? I have been busy and I haven't been able to ask about her since she started school this session" I ask
"She is doing well, in fact! She even seems more brighter than Yaseer, she jes spent two weeks at school and she is now writing letter C and figure 2. I am registering her for Qur'an memorization at their school next term in'shaa'Allah! Remember Yaseer started his the second year." She expounds as she wipes her face
"Maa'sha'Allah! That is my girl" I comment, I'm really always happy and grateful to Allah whenever I see my kids doing well. I was not that bright as a kid, I know they inherited that from their Mum. Her Abu sometimes narrated to me how bright she was when she was a kid and I have always been praying to Allah to make my kids more brighter than I am, Alhamdulillah...
"Habeeby, you said you will tell me about the Sister, I mean your mathna" she says.
Here she goes again, she is right, I promised her,
"Hnnn...! She is also a Sister of the Deen, she was once married and lost her husband just a year and some months after their marriage and she had a daughter who is now almost Ramsiyah's age. Her name is Zaynab and her daughter's name is Raheemat, she is Ummu Raheemat" I explain
She stays silent and doesn't respond, may be I have hurt her again. I should just play along then. I am almost done with her hairs, I ask for her comb which she hands to me. Now I'm done with the hairs and I start combing, on the normal circumstances she would collect the comb and comb it herself but she doesn't and just prefer to stay mute. After combing her hairs, I ask for her bond and she gives me too, I bond her hairs as I can,
"Now, it is done" I say.
She then turns around and face me, her face is wet with tears!!!
"Subhanallah! What is it again habeebaty?" I ask
"It is nothing, I jes feel like crying" she reply
"There is nothing like feeling like crying, you have to tell me what the matter really is?" I ask, though I know and understand why the tears are there. It is because of this mathna things, when will she get over it? I don't even know
"It is really nothing, I'm jes thankful to Allah that I have you and I pray to Allah not to ever let our marriage become the otherwise. I know you are really doing it for Allah's sake and I'm trying not to be concerned about it, but habeeby I'm..." I suddenly bend down and start kissing her, I hold her head to prevent her from resisting because I'm feeling more pain of hers than her talks so I have to stop it, else she will be hurting more. I will make sure I keep comforting her and make her leave her pain behind till she gets over it, so help me Allah!
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