HOW WILL I COPE - Episode 5
It has been almost a month now that I have been troubling my mind with the thought of my husband marrying a second wife. Am just imagining how it is gonna look like, my romantic marital life going down the drain jes like that? I can't even imagine... It won't be easy, I don't think it will!
"Subhanallah! What am I thinking? Am a believing woman and this shouldn't be my thought, Astagfirullah!" I say as I retire to the sofa, "but why isn't it easy for me to jes accept after all my faith and understanding?" I say aloud as I run my fingers through my hair, wipe them down to my face and then rest my cheeks on my palms. I try to think but only headache I can feel around my frontal lobe, then I lie down on the the sofa to take a short nap...
My phone rings, am still drowsing as I pick the call
"you said you are coming this morning and the time right now is about 12pm, hope no problem?" She says
Checking on my phone screen, I realize it is my Mum, "Ummy, am very sorry, I slept off and I will be on my way now, Asalamuhalykum"
"Wahlykum salam, is that why you sound so tired? Or what's up with that voice of yours?" she asks
What reply should I give her? I don't want to tell her what is going on. I hate letting my parents into my marital affairs and it is a principle we have both held on ever since our marriage. We solve our issues by ourselves no matter how complicated it is. Am not going to tell them, "nothing ma, jes that I was sleeping" I respond but part of me want to tell them, part of me want to at least tell someone, part of me jes want to let it out!
I go back into the bedroom, I almost forget am working on my laptop, I sit on the bed to check on my work "it is almost complete" I smile, "habeeby must give me a substantial perquisite this time because I am now spending 3 days on it, He also will gladly do that cos he knows what this gonna cost him if he goes out there, I trust him" I murmur as I shut down the system.
I grab my towel, walk into the bathroom for a bath. Now through with my bath, back into the room, I open my wardrobe to choose what to wear,
"I have to wear something classy, else Ummy won't stop bombarding me with questions about my household" I sough as I sought through my dresses. I pick a long dark pink dress habeeby bought for me last year when he was seeking a huge contract, he bought it in request of a prayer from me, "funny habeeby" I smile.
I put on the dress and realize it is now loose on me, "am loosing weight again, Ummy will definitely see something to say" I murmur, feeling depressed. I think I have to relinquish this thoughts of having a co-wife from my mind. My health matters the most, I won't die before it happens in shaa Allah! I sit at the dressing table, creaming my body I see how long my neck has become. "I better not remove my hijab in the presence of my Mum" I think.
I put on my deep blue qimar, ligate my black niqab, wear a deep blue socks with black low-wedged shoes "Where is my car key?" I think, I don't know where I put it, it has been a while I drive it cos am not that an out-goer and habeeby is the one that always do most of the shoppings when returning from office, others are bought on the street. I start searching everywhere, I can't see it. I keep searching, I almost give up when I see it at a corner on the kitchen slab,
"Alhamdulillah rabbi lihamin, so I won't take public transport today!", I say, taking a deep sigh. I take my black handbag and hurry out.
"Bismillah" I say as I start my car. Now, I start the two hours journey to Gbongan. On my way, I branch at a multi store to buy some things for Abby and Ummy.
....
On arriving at Gbongan town, am about to turn right into our street around Oke church area when I see the back view of a woman whose resembles that of my aunt, "aunt won't come down to Gbongan without telling me" I conclude so I zoom off
Entering the house, "Asalamuhalykum warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu" I say with an happy smile seeing my kids, they are praying
"Ummy! Ummy! Ummy!" Ramsiyah shouts as she runs towards me. I bend down to give her a hug
"Oh my baby, how are you?" I ask, looking at Yaseer who doesn't even budge on his solat. I bet he doesn't miss me or what's up with him?
"Where is grandma?" I ask
"She has gone to Masjid" she says as I carry her on my lap then I undo my niqab.
"Wow, Maa'sha'Allah! My baby's speech has improve. Now say Alhamdulillah" I say to her
"Alhamdulillah" she says very fluently..
Maa'sha'Allah! I am very happy seeing my kids again. They are my happiness and my joy...
Abby enters, "Asalamuhalykum warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu"
"Wahlykum salam warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu Abby" I reply
He smiles at me, I know he is very happy seeing me.
"How is everything and your husband?" He asks
"We are all fine" I reply
"Ahah! Longtime, you never miss me? You want us to be begging you before you come and check on us" he says.
"No, Abby! Jes that Osogbo to Gbongan isn't a small journey. Sebi I do call you almost everyday" I reply as am trying to take off my qimar...
"Ummy!" says Yaseer as he runs towards me.
"Alfa Yaseer, are you now through with your solat? You have grown o, you didn't even budge. I thought you never miss me" I say jokingly
"Grandpa said if I look else where in my solat that shaytan will steal all my solats and I won't have any reward" he says
"Maa'sha'Allah! Grandpa is very right and I am going to give you a surprise gift for listening to grandpa" I commend
"Kifayat, you are really raising this children well and keep it up dear" says Abby. I reply him with a smile,
"it is time for madrasah kids" he says, bringing out money from his pocket, he gives Yaseer "buy biscuits with this"
Yaseer collects it and they both run off to madrasah. They don't even fear that I may be gone before they return, they must be enjoying this place. Abu stares at me as he sits, "he must miss me a lot" I guess, I keep smiling until I realize I have taken off my hijab...
"What is happening, Kifayat?" He asks
I tremble, I never want him to see it in me but he has already seen it. Am even ashamed to tell him..."nothing sir, as in..." I reply
"Follow me, I don't want your Ummu to meet us here discussing whatever it is" he says as he stands and walks towards his room.
"Does Abby knows already? Or Has Abdulrahman informed him?" I think as I follow him.
I sit on his bed while he sits on the plastic chair, facing me.
"Dear daughter, I know something is really wrong. Judging from your glowing skin, I don't think it is a financial crisis and judging from how lean you have become, I know you have a lot of worries these days. Your kids are here so I can't say they are the cause, so share it with me, what is really happening?" He says
This is one of the best about my Dad, he is very caring enough to notice every single change in you every single second, so I'm not surprised that he guess this right,
"Abby, Abdulrahman is taking in another wife" I say as I unknowingly burst into tears, I don't know how the tears come but saying that, I feel an unbearable pain in my heart.
"And so? Is that what you have been worrying yourself about?" He says with worries written on his face
"Abby, I jes don't find it easy to accept. I understand it is sunnah and he is very capable of doing it but Abby, it is paining me a lot" I say, sobbing
"Hmm! Remember I told you this may happen, when you were preparing for your nikkah. I don't have to be telling you what Allah says about polygamy because I know that you know a lot about it already. I will just advice you to be patient and strong. I don't know the capability of your husband but the little I know about him assures me that he will establish justice between you. Don't let this small issue deprives you of the blessings of your God, you have been striving to be the best of women since childhood and this is the time you should start striving to be the best of your husband's wives. If he marries the second then know that he may marry the third and the fourth. Polygamy is the right Allah bestows on men, so you can't deny it my daughter. I raise you to be religious and pious, Alhamdulillah that am able to achieve that. I am always proud of you and please let me always be. I know you can handle it, just always pray to Allah to grant you more sabr..." He says and I cut in, "Abby, but it is not a must men should marry more than a wife" I continue sobbing
"Are you the one saying this? Allah says '... two and three and four but if you fear you won't be able to do justice then only one...' And your husband thinks he can do justice, so why can't he marry two? Please, don't think like an unbeliever, you are a woman of the Deen" he says
"But Abby, you marry only my Mum. Did you also fear you couldn't do Justice?" I ask, trying to strike his expression but instead he smiles,
"If I have the ability, I would marry four wives. I have many selfish reasons to do so. This my inability is between I and my wife but I am gonna share it with you today" he says
I adjust inquisitively, he continues, "I have a sexual inability that I can not satisfy my only wife in bed, also you yourself as my first child knows how I struggled financially to educate you and your brother alone so I wasn't financially bouyant, then how would I establish justice in marrying two? One of the selfish reasons I have for marrying two s that your Mum couldn't have more than you and your brother due to some medical reasons and I would have just had another wife that could bear me more. Do you know why I didn't do it for that selfish reason? It was because it is a selfish reason and it wouldn't be for Allah's sake. If I married another wife in the hope of having more children my wife couldn't bear for me, Allah may close her womb and she will never bear for me or Allah may give me more children from her and make them worthless in this dunya and that could also invalidate the jannah ticket you, my lovely daughter earns me. Therefore, the best of reasons for marrying mathna Wa thulaatha Wa arb'a should only be for Allah's sake and I hope your husband has such a reasonable reason" he concludes
"That was what he said sir, he said he isn't doing it because I am lack in anyway but for the sake of Allah" I say
"Therefore my dear, stop letting that thought rules over you. You are very more than that. If your husband ends up marrying her and brings her home, just take it as if you just have another neighbor and whenever it is your husband's turn with her, do not feel lonely with the thought of him spending his night in another woman's embrace, think of it as your husband is on a business trip and he will surely soon come back to you. It won't be easy I know but with the level of your eeman, I know you will cope" he says, holding my hands
"Thank you very much Abby, Jazaakallah khairan. Indeed, your words means a lot to me and in shaa Allah! I won't stop being myself and I will strive more to be my better self" I say, hugging him. He pats me in the back, he is really a Dad...
"Ameen, wa anti fajazaakillah khairan. It is better you don't tell your Mum, I will tell her myself" he says.
I also won't dare tell her because she was against me marrying Abdulrahman since the start. She said he is a tablig because of his beards and above-ankle trouser, though he isn't, she said he will veil me and won't lemme work. She even said he will have four wives and so many things. I couldn't tell her that he would veil me until the day of our nikkah, my Mum was like..."am going to disown you" but thanks to my Dad who talked sense into her. She called everyday after my nikkah to ask when am going to start working until I told her am working for my husband on his projects and contracts and he gives me a monthly salary of #50,000 apart from some perquisites, then she stopped asking. She even sometimes ask me for some money she doesn't need in order to confirm if am really getting my payment. She is a wonderful Mum but her feelings for sunnah derails due to some experience she had with some so-called sunnah people. I can't even imagine what her action will be when she hears about this.
"Heard you Abby, I won't dare tell her. Also Abby, please let your telling her be after I leave tomorrow" I say and he smiles at me. He understands.
I look up to the wall clock, "Ummy suppose to have been back from Masjid, this is 5:30pm, I am very very hungry" I say as I stand to exit his room. He opens his Qur'an and starts reciting; that is the hubby of my Abu - Qur'an recitation.
I open the door to exit his room then I bump into my Mum, "Subhanallah!" I say with surprise
She takes hold of my hand and drags me into her room. I don chop am finished! she has being eavesdropping on our conversations...
It has been almost a month now that I have been troubling my mind with the thought of my husband marrying a second wife. Am just imagining how it is gonna look like, my romantic marital life going down the drain jes like that? I can't even imagine... It won't be easy, I don't think it will!
"Subhanallah! What am I thinking? Am a believing woman and this shouldn't be my thought, Astagfirullah!" I say as I retire to the sofa, "but why isn't it easy for me to jes accept after all my faith and understanding?" I say aloud as I run my fingers through my hair, wipe them down to my face and then rest my cheeks on my palms. I try to think but only headache I can feel around my frontal lobe, then I lie down on the the sofa to take a short nap...
My phone rings, am still drowsing as I pick the call
"you said you are coming this morning and the time right now is about 12pm, hope no problem?" She says
Checking on my phone screen, I realize it is my Mum, "Ummy, am very sorry, I slept off and I will be on my way now, Asalamuhalykum"
"Wahlykum salam, is that why you sound so tired? Or what's up with that voice of yours?" she asks
What reply should I give her? I don't want to tell her what is going on. I hate letting my parents into my marital affairs and it is a principle we have both held on ever since our marriage. We solve our issues by ourselves no matter how complicated it is. Am not going to tell them, "nothing ma, jes that I was sleeping" I respond but part of me want to tell them, part of me want to at least tell someone, part of me jes want to let it out!
I go back into the bedroom, I almost forget am working on my laptop, I sit on the bed to check on my work "it is almost complete" I smile, "habeeby must give me a substantial perquisite this time because I am now spending 3 days on it, He also will gladly do that cos he knows what this gonna cost him if he goes out there, I trust him" I murmur as I shut down the system.
I grab my towel, walk into the bathroom for a bath. Now through with my bath, back into the room, I open my wardrobe to choose what to wear,
"I have to wear something classy, else Ummy won't stop bombarding me with questions about my household" I sough as I sought through my dresses. I pick a long dark pink dress habeeby bought for me last year when he was seeking a huge contract, he bought it in request of a prayer from me, "funny habeeby" I smile.
I put on the dress and realize it is now loose on me, "am loosing weight again, Ummy will definitely see something to say" I murmur, feeling depressed. I think I have to relinquish this thoughts of having a co-wife from my mind. My health matters the most, I won't die before it happens in shaa Allah! I sit at the dressing table, creaming my body I see how long my neck has become. "I better not remove my hijab in the presence of my Mum" I think.
I put on my deep blue qimar, ligate my black niqab, wear a deep blue socks with black low-wedged shoes "Where is my car key?" I think, I don't know where I put it, it has been a while I drive it cos am not that an out-goer and habeeby is the one that always do most of the shoppings when returning from office, others are bought on the street. I start searching everywhere, I can't see it. I keep searching, I almost give up when I see it at a corner on the kitchen slab,
"Alhamdulillah rabbi lihamin, so I won't take public transport today!", I say, taking a deep sigh. I take my black handbag and hurry out.
"Bismillah" I say as I start my car. Now, I start the two hours journey to Gbongan. On my way, I branch at a multi store to buy some things for Abby and Ummy.
....
On arriving at Gbongan town, am about to turn right into our street around Oke church area when I see the back view of a woman whose resembles that of my aunt, "aunt won't come down to Gbongan without telling me" I conclude so I zoom off
Entering the house, "Asalamuhalykum warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu" I say with an happy smile seeing my kids, they are praying
"Ummy! Ummy! Ummy!" Ramsiyah shouts as she runs towards me. I bend down to give her a hug
"Oh my baby, how are you?" I ask, looking at Yaseer who doesn't even budge on his solat. I bet he doesn't miss me or what's up with him?
"Where is grandma?" I ask
"She has gone to Masjid" she says as I carry her on my lap then I undo my niqab.
"Wow, Maa'sha'Allah! My baby's speech has improve. Now say Alhamdulillah" I say to her
"Alhamdulillah" she says very fluently..
Maa'sha'Allah! I am very happy seeing my kids again. They are my happiness and my joy...
Abby enters, "Asalamuhalykum warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu"
"Wahlykum salam warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu Abby" I reply
He smiles at me, I know he is very happy seeing me.
"How is everything and your husband?" He asks
"We are all fine" I reply
"Ahah! Longtime, you never miss me? You want us to be begging you before you come and check on us" he says.
"No, Abby! Jes that Osogbo to Gbongan isn't a small journey. Sebi I do call you almost everyday" I reply as am trying to take off my qimar...
"Ummy!" says Yaseer as he runs towards me.
"Alfa Yaseer, are you now through with your solat? You have grown o, you didn't even budge. I thought you never miss me" I say jokingly
"Grandpa said if I look else where in my solat that shaytan will steal all my solats and I won't have any reward" he says
"Maa'sha'Allah! Grandpa is very right and I am going to give you a surprise gift for listening to grandpa" I commend
"Kifayat, you are really raising this children well and keep it up dear" says Abby. I reply him with a smile,
"it is time for madrasah kids" he says, bringing out money from his pocket, he gives Yaseer "buy biscuits with this"
Yaseer collects it and they both run off to madrasah. They don't even fear that I may be gone before they return, they must be enjoying this place. Abu stares at me as he sits, "he must miss me a lot" I guess, I keep smiling until I realize I have taken off my hijab...
"What is happening, Kifayat?" He asks
I tremble, I never want him to see it in me but he has already seen it. Am even ashamed to tell him..."nothing sir, as in..." I reply
"Follow me, I don't want your Ummu to meet us here discussing whatever it is" he says as he stands and walks towards his room.
"Does Abby knows already? Or Has Abdulrahman informed him?" I think as I follow him.
I sit on his bed while he sits on the plastic chair, facing me.
"Dear daughter, I know something is really wrong. Judging from your glowing skin, I don't think it is a financial crisis and judging from how lean you have become, I know you have a lot of worries these days. Your kids are here so I can't say they are the cause, so share it with me, what is really happening?" He says
This is one of the best about my Dad, he is very caring enough to notice every single change in you every single second, so I'm not surprised that he guess this right,
"Abby, Abdulrahman is taking in another wife" I say as I unknowingly burst into tears, I don't know how the tears come but saying that, I feel an unbearable pain in my heart.
"And so? Is that what you have been worrying yourself about?" He says with worries written on his face
"Abby, I jes don't find it easy to accept. I understand it is sunnah and he is very capable of doing it but Abby, it is paining me a lot" I say, sobbing
"Hmm! Remember I told you this may happen, when you were preparing for your nikkah. I don't have to be telling you what Allah says about polygamy because I know that you know a lot about it already. I will just advice you to be patient and strong. I don't know the capability of your husband but the little I know about him assures me that he will establish justice between you. Don't let this small issue deprives you of the blessings of your God, you have been striving to be the best of women since childhood and this is the time you should start striving to be the best of your husband's wives. If he marries the second then know that he may marry the third and the fourth. Polygamy is the right Allah bestows on men, so you can't deny it my daughter. I raise you to be religious and pious, Alhamdulillah that am able to achieve that. I am always proud of you and please let me always be. I know you can handle it, just always pray to Allah to grant you more sabr..." He says and I cut in, "Abby, but it is not a must men should marry more than a wife" I continue sobbing
"Are you the one saying this? Allah says '... two and three and four but if you fear you won't be able to do justice then only one...' And your husband thinks he can do justice, so why can't he marry two? Please, don't think like an unbeliever, you are a woman of the Deen" he says
"But Abby, you marry only my Mum. Did you also fear you couldn't do Justice?" I ask, trying to strike his expression but instead he smiles,
"If I have the ability, I would marry four wives. I have many selfish reasons to do so. This my inability is between I and my wife but I am gonna share it with you today" he says
I adjust inquisitively, he continues, "I have a sexual inability that I can not satisfy my only wife in bed, also you yourself as my first child knows how I struggled financially to educate you and your brother alone so I wasn't financially bouyant, then how would I establish justice in marrying two? One of the selfish reasons I have for marrying two s that your Mum couldn't have more than you and your brother due to some medical reasons and I would have just had another wife that could bear me more. Do you know why I didn't do it for that selfish reason? It was because it is a selfish reason and it wouldn't be for Allah's sake. If I married another wife in the hope of having more children my wife couldn't bear for me, Allah may close her womb and she will never bear for me or Allah may give me more children from her and make them worthless in this dunya and that could also invalidate the jannah ticket you, my lovely daughter earns me. Therefore, the best of reasons for marrying mathna Wa thulaatha Wa arb'a should only be for Allah's sake and I hope your husband has such a reasonable reason" he concludes
"That was what he said sir, he said he isn't doing it because I am lack in anyway but for the sake of Allah" I say
"Therefore my dear, stop letting that thought rules over you. You are very more than that. If your husband ends up marrying her and brings her home, just take it as if you just have another neighbor and whenever it is your husband's turn with her, do not feel lonely with the thought of him spending his night in another woman's embrace, think of it as your husband is on a business trip and he will surely soon come back to you. It won't be easy I know but with the level of your eeman, I know you will cope" he says, holding my hands
"Thank you very much Abby, Jazaakallah khairan. Indeed, your words means a lot to me and in shaa Allah! I won't stop being myself and I will strive more to be my better self" I say, hugging him. He pats me in the back, he is really a Dad...
"Ameen, wa anti fajazaakillah khairan. It is better you don't tell your Mum, I will tell her myself" he says.
I also won't dare tell her because she was against me marrying Abdulrahman since the start. She said he is a tablig because of his beards and above-ankle trouser, though he isn't, she said he will veil me and won't lemme work. She even said he will have four wives and so many things. I couldn't tell her that he would veil me until the day of our nikkah, my Mum was like..."am going to disown you" but thanks to my Dad who talked sense into her. She called everyday after my nikkah to ask when am going to start working until I told her am working for my husband on his projects and contracts and he gives me a monthly salary of #50,000 apart from some perquisites, then she stopped asking. She even sometimes ask me for some money she doesn't need in order to confirm if am really getting my payment. She is a wonderful Mum but her feelings for sunnah derails due to some experience she had with some so-called sunnah people. I can't even imagine what her action will be when she hears about this.
"Heard you Abby, I won't dare tell her. Also Abby, please let your telling her be after I leave tomorrow" I say and he smiles at me. He understands.
I look up to the wall clock, "Ummy suppose to have been back from Masjid, this is 5:30pm, I am very very hungry" I say as I stand to exit his room. He opens his Qur'an and starts reciting; that is the hubby of my Abu - Qur'an recitation.
I open the door to exit his room then I bump into my Mum, "Subhanallah!" I say with surprise
She takes hold of my hand and drags me into her room. I don chop am finished! she has being eavesdropping on our conversations...
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