HOW WILL I COPE? - Episode 6
Today is Friday, I have to quickly round up my work so as to
make Jumu'ah. It is always an hectic day!
After the Jumat service, I drive straight home anticipating how
I'm going to battle Ummu Yaseer's food to satisfy this my
hungry belly. Her food has always been the best after my
Ummu's that I find it difficult to eat any other woman's food. I
never play with my stomach and Ummu Yaseer knows, that is
why she always try her best to cook every new delicious meals
and I love that.
Now reaching home, I find the door locked so I press the door
alarm, "Asalamuhalykum warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu" the
door alarm rings but I don't get any response neither do I get the
door opened. Though I have my own keys but I prefer her to open
the door for me so that I can fall straight into her embrace; it
excoriates my all-day worries and stresses. "She isn't at home" I
conclude after pressing the alarm several times and still get no
response. I think of where she could go while I bring out my key, I
open the door,
"Asalamuhalykum, Bismillah!" I say as I enter, she isn't really at
home...
"Yes!" Now I remember we discussed about picking up the kids
yesterday night but she supposed to call or text me when she was
going. I wonder what is going on with her these days, she is so
absentminded, sluggishly do things and fakes a smile whenever
she is caught! I bring out my phone from my pocket and dial her
number while taking off my shoes, socks and tie. Her number is
switched off, I dial her Abu's number too but also switched off,
"Maybe Abu is at the masjid. Today is Friday, he does spend a
lot of the day in the Masjid" I remember.
The only option left is to call her Ummu. Her Ummu? She was
my number 1 antagonist in the family, we just get along well when
Ramsiyah was born. I don't really know why and how she
suddenly became so friendly with me but I do think maybe it is
because I meet her expectations in taking care of her daughter. She
really gave me a tough time before she acquiesced to me marrying
her daughter, thanks to Allah and my Ummu; that is phase one
wahala. The phase two wahala arose during our nikkah, I almost
gave up. It was like a drama, a drama I will never love to relate
because I never want to remember, Alhamdulillah that my father
In-law was alive and around, if not, I don't know what could
happen that day. I fear her more than anyone in the family even
more than her Abu.
"What if she tells her Ummu about my plan of marrying a second
wife?" This thought creeps into my mind, chai..! I wonder what
her action would be if she hears. I wonder how much she would
scold habeebaty, maybe she would even let her regret marrying me.
Subhanallah! I never thought of this before allowing her to go, I
should have gone there by myself,
"What the hell have I done" I say, feeling sober, "after all, if she
doesn't hear about it now, she will definitely hear about it later.
So, it is better I start dealing with it now if she hears" I try to
comfort myself. I walk into the kitchen to get myself a cup of chilled water while
thinking of what to say to my mother in-law when I call her, I
start rehearsing some lines, it is as if I am calling her for the first
time. After gulping down the water, I return to the sitting room
and sit on a sofa, "Come to think of it, I don't think I ever
voluntarily call her, only when I call Abu that I do ask of her and
sometimes she collects the phone and talks to me and she does
sound friendly maybe because Abu was always there. What if I
call her now and Abu isn't with her?..." Thinking of this alone
gives me headache!
"Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar..." Hearing the adhan call, it is
Ashr time. I get up and walk into the bathroom to perform
ablution, I don't want to get to the Masjid before I perform the
ablution because I want to earn more reward for every single step I
take to get there. Now through with the ablution, I give up my
thinking and walk down to the Masjid. About to reach the
Masjid, I heard the iqamah been called follow by the takbeeratul
ihram, "so fast today?" I check my phone, still some minutes to
four. Maybe the weather has changed, so the solat time.
They are about to ruk'u when I walk gently into the Masjid to
join the congregation; no need to rush as Nabiyy s.a.w ordered!.
After all, I still meet the first rakah since it is on the ruk'u I
joined. I empty all the worries on my mind and concentrate with
my Rabb, listening to the beautiful qirat of the Imam, tranquillity
fills my heart.
The solat ends, I do my adhkars afterward; no nawafil after Ashr.
After completing my adhkars, I rise up and step out of the
Masjid, I walk towards a shade where I and Abu Summayah sat
the other day. I take out my phone and search for my mother in-
law's number. I glare at my phone's screen hesitating to press the
dial, the worries is written all over my face. I don't know what I
will hear from her, I suddenly summon the courage and I dial her
number,
"Asalamuhalykum ma" I say with confidence
"Wahlykum salam warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu, Oko mii, a
kúu ojó méta, how is work? Hope everything is fine" she replies
and I can sense cheerfulness in her voice.
Maa'sha'Allah! I am relieved, that means she hasn't been told. I
brace myself together, "Alhamdulillah ma, everything is fine and
you ma?" "Alhamdulillah rabbi lihalamiina, hope no problem?" She asks
"No problem ma, I just want to confirm if Ummu Yaseer has
reached there because her number is switched off" I reply.
"She supposed to, I am just returning from the Masjid and I
haven't seen her call either but I am very sure that she is home
already. I will make sure I call you when I get home" she says
very softly just like my wife, Alhamdulillah that my wife only
take that soft part of her.
"Alright, thank you ma, Asalamuhalykum" I bid
"Wahlykum salam, take care my dear" she says more softly.
I take a deep sigh after dropping the call, it is indeed a bigger
relief...
"Asalamuhalykum Akhy" a man's voice approaches from my side.
I look up and am astonished! it is Abu Summayah. I quickly
round up my face with a smile,
"Wahlykum salam warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu sir" I reply, he
sits beside me.
"Do you have a quarrel with your wife?" He asks
"No, why did you ask?" I reply as I don't know what he meant.
"I stood over there" pointing at a pillar in front of the Masjid,
"and I have watched you right from when you are trying to call
till you finished your call and I perceive that something is wrong.
Will you mind sharing the problem with your brother?" He asks
with concern.
"It is really nothing, was just trying to call my mother in-law and
I have done that" I reply, trying not to extend the conversation.
"Really? you looked like you caused some trouble and after the
call, I see you feel much relieved. Or do you still think of me as a
stranger?" He says.
I have never shared my marital affairs with anyone since I got
married. I only seek advice sometimes from my Dad and I have
my ways of doing that. Should I give it a try with this man? He
even shared his with me, maybe I should start something new by
telling him.
I take a deep sigh and I narrate all the story to him.
He laughs, "so, you are only afraid of your mother in-law now?"
He burst into more laughter.
"Why laughing sir? You don't know what kind of woman she
is..."
"Your wife must be an easy going person for you to still be afraid
of a woman, do you think you can manage two wife with this
effeminacy?" He continues laughing.
I feel so embarrassed that I start looking down.
"See, Akhy! Your wife may be a cool person and I pray she would
be till the end and you haven't known what kind of woman your
second wife is. Wait, what if your second wife has same temper
as your mother in-law?" He really strike me with this question...
"Ah! Ahuzubillah, I have already done istikhara about her and
Allah has given me a go-ahead. Plus she isn't someone I just
know, I don't think she will be like that" I reply
"Akhy, no matter how much you try, you can never know the
reality of the person you are going to marry till after marriage. All
you can do is to guess and only by Allah's grace that your
guessing will be right. Alhamdulillah for Islam, even people who
go into haram relationships like dating and courting in the name
of 'knowing each other' still find it difficult to know the reality of
each other till after marriage. A woman can be a cheerful one
outside her house but inside her house, she is an easily aggressive
woman. The true colour of couples are shown after marriage! The
purpose of istikhra is to make a suitable choice and not a perfect
choice..." He pauses and continues, "I don't think you need all
these am saying Akhy, It is not like you are getting married for
the first time" he laughs again.
"Yes, continue sir, am learning" I respond with seriousness
"If Allah guides you to choose a rightful partner after your
istikhara, it doesn't mean the spouse will never offends, will
always obey and will never annoys you but Allah gives her to you
because He knows that whatever she does to you, you will be able
to handle it and you will never let go of her. But most people
misunderstand istikhara, they build higher expectations and when
the expectations aren't met, they run out of patient and the only
solution they think of is to search for an exit door, Subhanallah!"
He pauses and continues, "therefore, what I am trying to say here
is that; you are a man! You should be prepared to face any
challenges and stop being afraid of anyone. If your second wife
happens to be the like of your mother in-law and your wife is still
as cool as I guess she is, you won't be able to establish justice my
brother, if you continue like this. Do you know why? Because you
will fear your second wife and do things that pleases her in the
expense of your first wife, now tell me where the justice Allah
talks about lies in this?" He pauses, he brings out a small comb
from his pocket then he starts combing his beards while he
continues, "So, my brother! You have to be manly and throw away
that effeminate quality of yours, else... I pray we won't be among
those that will be raised on the dooms day leaning on one side
because they fail to justify among their wives" he stops, putting
back his comb into his pocket. "Ameen, Jazaakallah khairan sir. Am very happy for the listening
ears you give me and for lending me this expensive advice. I will
make sure I take your words to heart" I say as I extend my hand
for a shake.
"Wa anta fajazaakallahu khairan Akhy, I already told you that
you are a brother to me and I wish we are able to help each other
more till we reach our final abode in shaa Allah" he replies with a
cheerful smile as we both shake hands.
We walk together down the road since we are living in the same
proximity. We exchange some brotherly talk about our family and
I feel very much comfortable with him. Maybe because I also
never had a brother to talk to, we are four children in the family
and I am the only boy and also the first child. I grew up very
much attached to my Mum than my Abu.
We depart at a junction and go our various ways after exchanging
salam. I almost forget I'm hungry and now I can feel a pain at
one side of my stomach, so I hurry home.
Getting into the house after saying my salam, I rush down to the
kitchen to find something to eat. I open the pots but only
vegetable-fish stew I see in a pot, "there must be a food
somewhere" I guess, I open the fridge and alas! Here is a plate of
yam porridge, my favourite! "Ummu Yaseer will always be an
habeebaty" I say smiling at the food, then I quickly light the
cooker and warm the food and the stew at once.
I serve my self, place the food on the kitchen's dining, now ready
to eat,
"Bismillah" I say, trying to put in a spoonful of yam porridge, my
phone rings. It is her Abby, I drop the spoon as I glide the receive
button,
"Asalamuhalykum" he greets
"Wahlykum salam warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu sir" I reply,
wondering what the call is all about
"Please my son, can you come down here tomorrow? We need to
talk" he says,
"Sir, tomorrow is Saturday and am going to work. Maybe if I'm
able to round up quickly at work but hope no problem sir?" I ask,
feeling anxious.
"No problem, I will just like us to have a man to man
conversation. What of Sunday, will you be free?" He asks
"Yes sir, I will..." I reply, he cuts in,
"Then I will have to keep your family here till Sunday, do you
permit that?" he asks
"No problem sir, I will come and pick them up" I reply, though
am not satisfied because I will be sleeping alone today and
tomorrow and I will be lonely.
"OK thanks, till then Asalamuhalykum!" He says and cuts the
call.
May be she has tell her Abu! He is more understanding, I don't
think there will be any problem... But why am I feeling like am in
trouble?
"Ath'amahum mmin juuhin wa'amanahum mmin khaofinm..." I
utter continuously.
I pick my spoon again and start eating, gulping down the fourth
spoonful of foods, my phone rings again! Who is it this time?
My mother in-law!!!
Fear covers all my body as I start feeling a real heat from inside.
Hope it isn't what I'm guessing! Then I remember Abu
Summayah's advice, I summon the courage and I pick the call,
"Asalamuhalykum ma..." I say while she cuts in,
"Má sàlámàlékùn mi kankan, what have you done to my
daughter? Why does she look like this? Is this how I gave her to
you? It is better you come down here and explain what you have
been doing to her, else I won't return her to you" she yells and
hangs the call, she doesn't even give room for my response.
Has she also been told? But that threat doesn't sound so, also
why is she complaining about my wife's look? It's not like she
looses weight or something, but why is she so anmoyed,
Subhanallah!
"Ya Allah! Give me the courage to overcome these!" I pray...
Today is Friday, I have to quickly round up my work so as to
make Jumu'ah. It is always an hectic day!
After the Jumat service, I drive straight home anticipating how
I'm going to battle Ummu Yaseer's food to satisfy this my
hungry belly. Her food has always been the best after my
Ummu's that I find it difficult to eat any other woman's food. I
never play with my stomach and Ummu Yaseer knows, that is
why she always try her best to cook every new delicious meals
and I love that.
Now reaching home, I find the door locked so I press the door
alarm, "Asalamuhalykum warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu" the
door alarm rings but I don't get any response neither do I get the
door opened. Though I have my own keys but I prefer her to open
the door for me so that I can fall straight into her embrace; it
excoriates my all-day worries and stresses. "She isn't at home" I
conclude after pressing the alarm several times and still get no
response. I think of where she could go while I bring out my key, I
open the door,
"Asalamuhalykum, Bismillah!" I say as I enter, she isn't really at
home...
"Yes!" Now I remember we discussed about picking up the kids
yesterday night but she supposed to call or text me when she was
going. I wonder what is going on with her these days, she is so
absentminded, sluggishly do things and fakes a smile whenever
she is caught! I bring out my phone from my pocket and dial her
number while taking off my shoes, socks and tie. Her number is
switched off, I dial her Abu's number too but also switched off,
"Maybe Abu is at the masjid. Today is Friday, he does spend a
lot of the day in the Masjid" I remember.
The only option left is to call her Ummu. Her Ummu? She was
my number 1 antagonist in the family, we just get along well when
Ramsiyah was born. I don't really know why and how she
suddenly became so friendly with me but I do think maybe it is
because I meet her expectations in taking care of her daughter. She
really gave me a tough time before she acquiesced to me marrying
her daughter, thanks to Allah and my Ummu; that is phase one
wahala. The phase two wahala arose during our nikkah, I almost
gave up. It was like a drama, a drama I will never love to relate
because I never want to remember, Alhamdulillah that my father
In-law was alive and around, if not, I don't know what could
happen that day. I fear her more than anyone in the family even
more than her Abu.
"What if she tells her Ummu about my plan of marrying a second
wife?" This thought creeps into my mind, chai..! I wonder what
her action would be if she hears. I wonder how much she would
scold habeebaty, maybe she would even let her regret marrying me.
Subhanallah! I never thought of this before allowing her to go, I
should have gone there by myself,
"What the hell have I done" I say, feeling sober, "after all, if she
doesn't hear about it now, she will definitely hear about it later.
So, it is better I start dealing with it now if she hears" I try to
comfort myself. I walk into the kitchen to get myself a cup of chilled water while
thinking of what to say to my mother in-law when I call her, I
start rehearsing some lines, it is as if I am calling her for the first
time. After gulping down the water, I return to the sitting room
and sit on a sofa, "Come to think of it, I don't think I ever
voluntarily call her, only when I call Abu that I do ask of her and
sometimes she collects the phone and talks to me and she does
sound friendly maybe because Abu was always there. What if I
call her now and Abu isn't with her?..." Thinking of this alone
gives me headache!
"Allahu Akbar Allahu Akbar..." Hearing the adhan call, it is
Ashr time. I get up and walk into the bathroom to perform
ablution, I don't want to get to the Masjid before I perform the
ablution because I want to earn more reward for every single step I
take to get there. Now through with the ablution, I give up my
thinking and walk down to the Masjid. About to reach the
Masjid, I heard the iqamah been called follow by the takbeeratul
ihram, "so fast today?" I check my phone, still some minutes to
four. Maybe the weather has changed, so the solat time.
They are about to ruk'u when I walk gently into the Masjid to
join the congregation; no need to rush as Nabiyy s.a.w ordered!.
After all, I still meet the first rakah since it is on the ruk'u I
joined. I empty all the worries on my mind and concentrate with
my Rabb, listening to the beautiful qirat of the Imam, tranquillity
fills my heart.
The solat ends, I do my adhkars afterward; no nawafil after Ashr.
After completing my adhkars, I rise up and step out of the
Masjid, I walk towards a shade where I and Abu Summayah sat
the other day. I take out my phone and search for my mother in-
law's number. I glare at my phone's screen hesitating to press the
dial, the worries is written all over my face. I don't know what I
will hear from her, I suddenly summon the courage and I dial her
number,
"Asalamuhalykum ma" I say with confidence
"Wahlykum salam warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu, Oko mii, a
kúu ojó méta, how is work? Hope everything is fine" she replies
and I can sense cheerfulness in her voice.
Maa'sha'Allah! I am relieved, that means she hasn't been told. I
brace myself together, "Alhamdulillah ma, everything is fine and
you ma?" "Alhamdulillah rabbi lihalamiina, hope no problem?" She asks
"No problem ma, I just want to confirm if Ummu Yaseer has
reached there because her number is switched off" I reply.
"She supposed to, I am just returning from the Masjid and I
haven't seen her call either but I am very sure that she is home
already. I will make sure I call you when I get home" she says
very softly just like my wife, Alhamdulillah that my wife only
take that soft part of her.
"Alright, thank you ma, Asalamuhalykum" I bid
"Wahlykum salam, take care my dear" she says more softly.
I take a deep sigh after dropping the call, it is indeed a bigger
relief...
"Asalamuhalykum Akhy" a man's voice approaches from my side.
I look up and am astonished! it is Abu Summayah. I quickly
round up my face with a smile,
"Wahlykum salam warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu sir" I reply, he
sits beside me.
"Do you have a quarrel with your wife?" He asks
"No, why did you ask?" I reply as I don't know what he meant.
"I stood over there" pointing at a pillar in front of the Masjid,
"and I have watched you right from when you are trying to call
till you finished your call and I perceive that something is wrong.
Will you mind sharing the problem with your brother?" He asks
with concern.
"It is really nothing, was just trying to call my mother in-law and
I have done that" I reply, trying not to extend the conversation.
"Really? you looked like you caused some trouble and after the
call, I see you feel much relieved. Or do you still think of me as a
stranger?" He says.
I have never shared my marital affairs with anyone since I got
married. I only seek advice sometimes from my Dad and I have
my ways of doing that. Should I give it a try with this man? He
even shared his with me, maybe I should start something new by
telling him.
I take a deep sigh and I narrate all the story to him.
He laughs, "so, you are only afraid of your mother in-law now?"
He burst into more laughter.
"Why laughing sir? You don't know what kind of woman she
is..."
"Your wife must be an easy going person for you to still be afraid
of a woman, do you think you can manage two wife with this
effeminacy?" He continues laughing.
I feel so embarrassed that I start looking down.
"See, Akhy! Your wife may be a cool person and I pray she would
be till the end and you haven't known what kind of woman your
second wife is. Wait, what if your second wife has same temper
as your mother in-law?" He really strike me with this question...
"Ah! Ahuzubillah, I have already done istikhara about her and
Allah has given me a go-ahead. Plus she isn't someone I just
know, I don't think she will be like that" I reply
"Akhy, no matter how much you try, you can never know the
reality of the person you are going to marry till after marriage. All
you can do is to guess and only by Allah's grace that your
guessing will be right. Alhamdulillah for Islam, even people who
go into haram relationships like dating and courting in the name
of 'knowing each other' still find it difficult to know the reality of
each other till after marriage. A woman can be a cheerful one
outside her house but inside her house, she is an easily aggressive
woman. The true colour of couples are shown after marriage! The
purpose of istikhra is to make a suitable choice and not a perfect
choice..." He pauses and continues, "I don't think you need all
these am saying Akhy, It is not like you are getting married for
the first time" he laughs again.
"Yes, continue sir, am learning" I respond with seriousness
"If Allah guides you to choose a rightful partner after your
istikhara, it doesn't mean the spouse will never offends, will
always obey and will never annoys you but Allah gives her to you
because He knows that whatever she does to you, you will be able
to handle it and you will never let go of her. But most people
misunderstand istikhara, they build higher expectations and when
the expectations aren't met, they run out of patient and the only
solution they think of is to search for an exit door, Subhanallah!"
He pauses and continues, "therefore, what I am trying to say here
is that; you are a man! You should be prepared to face any
challenges and stop being afraid of anyone. If your second wife
happens to be the like of your mother in-law and your wife is still
as cool as I guess she is, you won't be able to establish justice my
brother, if you continue like this. Do you know why? Because you
will fear your second wife and do things that pleases her in the
expense of your first wife, now tell me where the justice Allah
talks about lies in this?" He pauses, he brings out a small comb
from his pocket then he starts combing his beards while he
continues, "So, my brother! You have to be manly and throw away
that effeminate quality of yours, else... I pray we won't be among
those that will be raised on the dooms day leaning on one side
because they fail to justify among their wives" he stops, putting
back his comb into his pocket. "Ameen, Jazaakallah khairan sir. Am very happy for the listening
ears you give me and for lending me this expensive advice. I will
make sure I take your words to heart" I say as I extend my hand
for a shake.
"Wa anta fajazaakallahu khairan Akhy, I already told you that
you are a brother to me and I wish we are able to help each other
more till we reach our final abode in shaa Allah" he replies with a
cheerful smile as we both shake hands.
We walk together down the road since we are living in the same
proximity. We exchange some brotherly talk about our family and
I feel very much comfortable with him. Maybe because I also
never had a brother to talk to, we are four children in the family
and I am the only boy and also the first child. I grew up very
much attached to my Mum than my Abu.
We depart at a junction and go our various ways after exchanging
salam. I almost forget I'm hungry and now I can feel a pain at
one side of my stomach, so I hurry home.
Getting into the house after saying my salam, I rush down to the
kitchen to find something to eat. I open the pots but only
vegetable-fish stew I see in a pot, "there must be a food
somewhere" I guess, I open the fridge and alas! Here is a plate of
yam porridge, my favourite! "Ummu Yaseer will always be an
habeebaty" I say smiling at the food, then I quickly light the
cooker and warm the food and the stew at once.
I serve my self, place the food on the kitchen's dining, now ready
to eat,
"Bismillah" I say, trying to put in a spoonful of yam porridge, my
phone rings. It is her Abby, I drop the spoon as I glide the receive
button,
"Asalamuhalykum" he greets
"Wahlykum salam warahmatullah wabarakaatuhu sir" I reply,
wondering what the call is all about
"Please my son, can you come down here tomorrow? We need to
talk" he says,
"Sir, tomorrow is Saturday and am going to work. Maybe if I'm
able to round up quickly at work but hope no problem sir?" I ask,
feeling anxious.
"No problem, I will just like us to have a man to man
conversation. What of Sunday, will you be free?" He asks
"Yes sir, I will..." I reply, he cuts in,
"Then I will have to keep your family here till Sunday, do you
permit that?" he asks
"No problem sir, I will come and pick them up" I reply, though
am not satisfied because I will be sleeping alone today and
tomorrow and I will be lonely.
"OK thanks, till then Asalamuhalykum!" He says and cuts the
call.
May be she has tell her Abu! He is more understanding, I don't
think there will be any problem... But why am I feeling like am in
trouble?
"Ath'amahum mmin juuhin wa'amanahum mmin khaofinm..." I
utter continuously.
I pick my spoon again and start eating, gulping down the fourth
spoonful of foods, my phone rings again! Who is it this time?
My mother in-law!!!
Fear covers all my body as I start feeling a real heat from inside.
Hope it isn't what I'm guessing! Then I remember Abu
Summayah's advice, I summon the courage and I pick the call,
"Asalamuhalykum ma..." I say while she cuts in,
"Má sàlámàlékùn mi kankan, what have you done to my
daughter? Why does she look like this? Is this how I gave her to
you? It is better you come down here and explain what you have
been doing to her, else I won't return her to you" she yells and
hangs the call, she doesn't even give room for my response.
Has she also been told? But that threat doesn't sound so, also
why is she complaining about my wife's look? It's not like she
looses weight or something, but why is she so anmoyed,
Subhanallah!
"Ya Allah! Give me the courage to overcome these!" I pray...
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